3 Ways to Stop Self-Blame

Think of when a friend or family member makes a mistake, how do you respond? By criticism or judgment? Or are you compassionate, understanding and forgiving? Why can we treat others with respect but when it comes to our own lives, we find shame and blame around every corner?

Self-blame, negative self-talk, and self-criticism all lead to self-esteem issues, the core of even bigger problems. So, how do stop blaming ourselves?

Treat Yourself Like a Friend

As mentioned before, we’ll rarely respond to our loved ones’ transgression the way we do with our own. So instead of telling yourself; ‘You’re dumb and stupid, how could you do that’, have compassion and say; ‘It’s okay that you made that mistakes, it happens to the best of us and it’s not the end of the world’.

Learn to Trust Yourself

Many time blame stems from regret and denial or behaving in a way where you didn’t trust yourself or your instincts. When we learn to trust ourselves we’ll live with more confidence and certainty about the choices we do make. Trusting yourself naturally leads to you have more compassion for yourself which then removes the self-blame.  

Forgive Freely

This refers to both forgiving yourself and others. When you come into the habit of forgiving others and accepting that everyone makes mistakes it will become easier to forgive yourself as well. Learn to take responsibility for your actions by accepting that none of us are perfect and we’re all a little flawed.

If you are struggling with self-blame because of past trauma and situations that you haven’t yet worked through, you're not alone. I'd encourage you to try reading Brene Brown's Book "Daring Greatly" and if you need help implementing some strategies, reach out to a licensed therapist. Lancaster has dozens of professionals who can help you create a plan to reduce self blame.