EMDR and Anal Sexual Assault: Recovery and Moving On
The Effects of Anal Sexual Assault
Millions of men have experienced sexual assault, including anal rape.
Anal assault can cause internal damage. More than that, the emotional damage can affect the rest of their lives.
For gay men, this type of assault can affect their relationships. The pain of an anal sexual assault can create discomfort, fear, and even terror. It can create a rift in the relationship and often requires some very deep and intimate conversations with partners.
Whether the assault happened when the man was a boy or more recently, the net effect can be the same: a lifetime of emotional discomfort, worry, and fear.
There are some ways to help overcome this trauma.
The Worksheet
It might seem oversimplified, but the first resource to offer is a simple one page worksheet that can allow a survivor of gay sexual assault to share where they’re at with their partner.
This simple worksheet allows you to open up to a conversation with your partner. Using these questions and answers, you’ll be able to find the words and define your comfort zones.
It is possible to get back to enjoying intimacy, even anal sex, by easing back into touch and affection.
We created the worksheet as a conversion starter. It’s just the first step.
What is EMDR?
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a proven therapy that uses body movements, usually the eyes, to engage both sides of the brain.
Most people know that the brain has a right and a left hemisphere. The right side is the emotional and creative side. The left side is the rational and thinking side. When both sides are engaged and you process through a traumatic memory, like a sexual assault, you’re able to conquer the logical and the emotional aspects of that event.
Using a light bar, sound, clickers in hands, and other techniques, EMDR awakens these two sides. Then the memory, often attached to the pain of the event, can be brought to the front and dealt with.
Unlike typical therapies, EMDR is much faster. What would normally take dozens of talk therapy sessions can be done in a handful of EMDR sessions.
Next Steps
Once the brain is engaged and the memories are brought to the front, your therapist will help to desensitize you to the memory.
As with other therapies, this part will take away the power of the memory to keep it from affecting you now.
This distance from the memory allows you to control it better. Since it can’t hurt you, it will be easier to get rid of all of its effects in your life.
Reprocessing
Once you’ve taken the power of your memories away, you can reprocess them. Reprocessing means you won’t react to it the same way.
As your memory is now, you’re stuck in a rut. The memory surfaces, for example, during a moment of intimacy, and it runs its own track. You can’t change it. You run through the same feelings and emotions.
By reprocessing, the emotions and thoughts tied to that memory will change. You’ll respond differently in a healthier and more contained manner.
Why does EMDR Work for Anal Rape Victims?
EMDR is especially effective when working through emotional traumas. It provides a concrete way to help your brain overcome the pain and to allow you to heal from the events that are haunting you.
This seemingly simple technique has been used for those diagnosed with PTSD, female sexual assault survivors, and other who have significant traumas.
Whether your trauma occurred decades ago or just recently, EMDR is the single best way to break away from the pain and start the healing process.
When this therapy was invented, it was created specifically to make in-roads into the pains of trauma.
Knowing Your Therapist
The first step in any therapy is understanding that the therapist's office is a safe space. It’s a place you can be vulnerable without worrying about being judged or suffering from fresh pains.
When you meet your therapist, it’s important that you ask all the questions you have about your therapy.
Make sure that you take the time to feel comfortable. If you have questions or concerns, simply express them openly.
A Note from Our Team of Clinicians:
It’s important that you understand that you’re not alone in this.
You are not to blame.
The purpose of therapy is to make that clear to your heart and mind. You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t deserve this. You don’t have to suffer with these feelings any longer.
At our Sun Point Wellness Center offices in Lancaster, PA, everyone is safe from judgment. Your feelings are valid and whatever you need from us, we’ll do.
We know that it can seem like there aren’t a lot of resources in Lancaster, that are geared toward and accepting of gay men’s issues.
The team here has made a point of creating a safe space for you and your partner to discuss issues like this and anything else that’s on your mind.
Let us know how we can help. That’s what we’re here for.