Conflict Resolution with the Gottman Method

The Gottman Method, developed by Dr. Gottman has brought to light that there are six skills that can be developed that will assist individuals with conflict resolution. These skills include:

• Soften Startup

The Gottman Method reveals that the way in which the conflict is approached will determine how it plays out. In other words, confronting your partner in an aggressive manner will only lead to more aggression. The idea is to soften the approach in order to have a civil discussion that can lead to solutions.

• Accept Influence

Accepting influences means expressing agreement with at least some of what your partner is asking or saying during the discussion. It shows a willingness to move towards a compromise.

• Make Effective Repairs During Conflict

Keep the conflict on a healthy track by repairing throughout the discussion with verbal and non-verbal gestures. Do this by accepting responsibility, asking for forgiveness, stopping the action, move towards the others’ position.

• De-escalate

To de-escalate is also another way to steer the conversation in a better direction, calm both parties down and redirect the energy so that it’s solution based and the least amount of damage is done.

• Physiological Soothing

It’s easy for us to get worked up physically because of our psychological altercation or conflict. It’s advised that both parties take the time to soothe themselves by stopping the conversation and attending to the physiological soothing needs.

• Compromise

Compromise is about finding a third option as a solution to both your issues in the current conflict situation. It’s a way to make sure that both parties are satisfied, or even better; happy.

If you want to learn more about the Gottman Method, get in touch and I’ll explain why and how I use it as a part of my couples therapy in Lancaster, PA.